I want a new baby

Not another baby. A fresh one. One that doesn't do heinous things.

What heinous things you ask?

I'm not telling. 

Okay, you really wanna know?

Well, it's pudding, you see. I walked into the baby's room after his nap and . . .

On second thought, no. Trust me. You don't want to know.

Just know that I'm hiding from the world.

Now I know why I couldn't think of a story to tell for a Monday morning gif parade.

God had other plans for me.

Plans that involve . . .

Nevermind. I said I wasn't telling, didn't I?

I'm done with life for the day.

If you'll excuse me, I feel Ben and Jerry's calling my name.