An Anniversary Story

One upon a time, this man of mine asked me to marry him.

There are a thousand lies they could have told
me to fix that hair. I might still be put out.

So I bought the biggest, blingiest, affordable dress I could find.

Just married!

 

And walked right on down the aisle.

No, we aren't Amish.

It's mostly been sweet.

Hey, I made that cake!

And despite three deployments, 

All American family right here

we haven't managed to kill each other.

This one is disgustingly cute, yes?

We're raising some kids,

Man, they are so big now.

a dog,

Wook at dat tiny puppers!

and recently added a baby to the mix.

I think I was high on vicodin here.

Not too shabby, I say. Not too shabby at all.

oh nom nom nom

So my new dress?

It has spaghetti sauce dribbles all over it and I'M NOT SORRY.

I turned out my first try at meatballs and they came out stellar, stellar I say! I'm not sure why I waited so damned long in the first place. I lived in dread of half cooked or overcooked meatballs that would taste like sawdust and thus, I left all my meatball preparations to someone with more experience.

But since I live with a kid who adores meatballs and I'm celebrating my six year anniversary with an Italian meatball lover, I figured I'd give it a whirl. Wanna know how I did it? (No, Bear Allen, there was no grape jelly involved, mmkay?)

Before we get started, I apologize for the ish directions. I'm not a very accurate cook and pretty much everything is a guestimate. Are you ready? Good. Get the following crap together.

1lb each of ground turkey, pork, and beef. I think I might have used a pound and a half of beef though.

2 shallots, minced

1/2 cup seasoned bread crumbs

2 eggs

1/4 cup grated parm, romano, and/or asiago. I went with romano.

5 cloves of garlic, minced (more or less depending on how many syllables you have in your last name and/or if it ends in a vowel)

Mix all of that together in a big old bowl, squishing all up in there for a good few minutes. It helps that you're using three types of meat because it's easier to see if it's well blended between all the various hues of well, you know, meat slop. Roll it up into decent sized balls, plop on a baking sheet, and slide in the oven at 400 until they look meatballish. Mine took about 20 minutes. Oh, and don't forget the salt and pepper.

Now for the sauce. I should call it the Somewhere Between Giada and Sandra Lee Sauce. There are no fresh tomatoes involved but I didn't pour in two cans of ragu, grate some cheese on top, and call it Semi Homemade either. (My FIL used to call it Mostly Store-bought. I miss that man.) So maybe it's in Rachel Ray territory. Of course mentioning Food Network people is probably not a ringing endorsement but whatever, this shizz is tasty, okay? Give it a while.

But first, you'll need the following:

one green pepper, diced

four cloves of garlic, minced (see Italian rule above)

2 lrg cans of stewed tomatoes

2 lrg cans of crushed tomatoes

2 small cans of diced tomato

2 small cans of tomato sauce

1/4 cup of tomato paste

a half cup or so of red wine (cheap is fine)

1 tbsp each of thyme, basil, and oregano

1 tsp chili powder

2 tsp of sugar

One onion, diced unless you happen to have half a red onion and half a vidalia onion hanging around, then use that.

one jar of roasted red pepper, diced and juices saved (or you could not be a lazy heifer and roast two yourself. It's super easy, I swear and probably cheaper. Just burn it on high in the oven, put in a paper bag to cool, then strip off the burned skin and carry on with your bad self. Not burned. Charred. I apologize. Charred.)

If I was feeling really sassy, I would have chopped up four slices of bacon, cooked them up, slid the pieces down my gullet, and used the bacon grease as a starter. But I was feeling lazy, as per usual, and dropped a bit of olive oil in the pan instead.

I cooked down the onion and green pepper with a little salt and pepper first. Then I added the garlic and the herbs. Next came the red pepper and the wine. I let that cook for a bit before squeezing in the tomato paste as mine comes in a tube resembling toothpaste that might have grossed me out the first time I used it.

Once that's bubbling all nicely, dump in all that tomato crap, the chili powder, and the sugar. Taste to make sure you aren't horribly offended and tweak as necessary. As a hint, it always needs more pepper. I have no idea why but if you can't figure out what tastes off, that's usually what is it, lack of pepper.

Then you just let it simmer low and slow until it's all thick and tasty and gloriously red. Then dump in your meatball masterpieces and let it simmer a bit more.

Boil up some pasta and bask in the glow of awesome.

You're welcome.

Week 2

Look, I don't know what the hell is going on with these pics but pete was itching to do something else and I was tired of telling him to take it again. So here you go. I promise it's cuter in person. 

Also, I'm still fiddling with it. I think I want to shorten the sleeve, cut the neck in a V and bind it with another color. But a picture cannot relate just how utterly comfortable this is. I want to make like 87 more. Girl Charlee better watch out because I will be buying all the knits until I have a drawer full of these.

Do you want to make one? It's ridiculously easy and based off the One Hour Dress thought process that was popular in the 1920's. The idea was that you could start on your dress in the afternoon and wear it out that evening. Just make sure you don't need a jersey knit that requires five years' worth of stripe matching before you can cut the damned thing. You can buy a pdf booklet here that will give you a detailed and imo, harder than it has to be instructions*. Or you can give the following line drawing a gander and, using a tee shirt whose fit you like, give it a whirl as I did.

I really suck at tutorials so bear with me.  You're gonna fold your tee in half and lay it along the fold. Line G should be right above your hips, and yes, you are cutting into the fabric at G. Sew up the shoulder seams, then the armhole curve, and the edge of the skirt. Then you gather up all fabric and stitch it to the hip seam.

Is that English?

Let me know in the comments if you want a detailed tutorial and if you talk pretty to me, I might be tempted to oblige.

* I do recommend the pdf in general though as there are plenty of variations that can be made using this technique. I'm imagining a version from white batiste with embroidery and lace insertion.

** I just realized that this fabric came from Michael Levine, Inc in Los Angeles. My friend went out there for a visit and scoped me out some sweet little knits, this being one of them. There was a tag stapled to one of the lengths, long since lost but I was browsing the site and all of the sudden it occurred to me where I'd seen that logo, on this very fabric. YAY!

I love finding useful things

Ever find a gorgeous bit of fabric, have an idea of what to make with it but no pattern to consult for the proper yardage? 

Then I have a treat for you courtesy of the newly discovered, at least to me anyway, Mimi G.

This is especially handy if, like me, you have a huge stash of fabric, original purpose forgotten and you're trying to figure out what the crap you should do with it now.

And for my non-sewists and sewists alike, here's something for you. Truer words have never been written, tumblr'd.

This one goes out to the one I love

Admittedly, I was pretty stumped for a blog post today, mostly because my lazy behind still has not taken a picture of my advent scarf (you'll be pleased to know you have 21 shopping days left until Christmas.) I also haven't sewn anything in two days. So as one is wont to do, I asked facebook. As a result, I'm just gonna dedicate this one to my bestie. She knows who she is. She is my friend, my sister in heiferdom, my partner in procrastination, the introverted ying to my extroverted yang (or something) and would you believe we've never laid eyes on each other in person??

::sigh::

One day, my pretty. One day. In the meantime, 

Go by yourself some new clothes, woman!! Might I suggest the following?

I can even tell you where to buy it all. Except now I want to burn down everything because that coat, which is only $40, btw, only comes in one damned size.

THE INTERNET HATES MY PEOPLE!

Oh, look! Delia's has one for $60. Doooooooooooooeeeeeeeeeeeet!

And for the rest of you, let's just gaze upon the following lovely while singing showtunes to ourselves.

Burberry Trench
$746 from farfetch.com

Yummy food

I have a love hate relationship with grocery shopping. I adore having a plan, knowing that I'm going to cook, walking in the store with a list that's written according to how I might find those items in the store. However, I procrastinate like a mother heifer when it comes to actually making the list, to actually getting to the store. The plan is supposed to see my behind getting up and getting dressed like a decent human and then heading out to the commissary as soon as mr man get home from work. 

Instead, he walks through the door at 9:30 and I'm snuggled under the covers, braless, watching a crappy movie with Keira Knightley, and resisting the urge to strangle my dog for incessantly licking the stupid blanket. And nope, I wasn't exactly itching to crawl out of there either. 

But I have crockpot dinner planned for tonight and if I didn't get back in time, well, what's the point of using the crockpot if you aren't going to give that crap time to do . . . well crockpot stuff?

Thank God for bad movies. My irritation over the crappy plot and disappointing costuming was just what I needed to get me going for the day. I mean seriously, the movie was called Silk and set in 19th century France and yet there were no decent gowns to speak of, just the an interesting bit of smocked cotton sleeve. No wonder Rotten Tomatoes gave it a 7%.

Okay, so the color is pretty too.

I was so annoyed by the lack of Victorian Era (or whatever they call it in France) fashion that I left the house in disgust without eating.

It's never a good idea to go grocery shopping on an empty stomach, particularly when your grocery store of choice thinks it's a brilliant idea to shove all the chocolate, oreos, fancy butter cookies from Austria, and gingerbread baking mixes right up in the doorway, taunting you, calling to you like a long, lost, tasty friend.

But I held firm. I bought only what was on my list . . . until I got to the bread aisle and spied a tasty chocolate muffin. Then I broke.

I did manage to talk myself out of the McDonald's drive thru window so hooray for small victories.

And that's my long, drawn out introduction to this week's menu.

Thursday: Crockpot Teriyaki chicken (you have to scroll down to find it.)

Friday: Funeral Sandwiches and munchos

Saturday Breakfast: Pancakes and Sausage (mr man is out of town so creativity is for the birds this weekend)

Saturday: Sausage, peppers, and potatoes

Sunday: Spaghetti and meatballs, salad, cornbread twists, and the hummingbird cake I didn't make last week because I was tired after going ice skating and/or being a lazy heifer

Monday: Meatball subs and sweet potato fries (tator tots for boring old mr man)

Tuesday: Beef and barley soup

I spent $122.82 but I also bought $10 worth of paper towels and baby food. But the commissary didn't have any sub rolls, I forgot to put frozen veggies for the soup on my list and I realized after putting away the groceries that we have three eggs. But that's still under $150 so . . .

Because I don't have enough to do

The Crossover Blazer

by Burda Style

Check out Banyan Tree's version.

I can see it in a navy blue wool with an ivory lining, gold buttons and maybe even epaulets. Let's just hope it won't give me a dogged determination to pursue ex-convicts who are merely trying to make something good of themselves.

Squuuuuuuuuueeeeeeeeeeeee!

Something rather amazing happened to me a few weeks ago and I never got to share as I was knee deep in a blogging schlump from which I am slowly recovering.

I WON SOMETHING!!!

The amazingly talented Leimomi Oakes, aka The Dreamstress hosted a giveaway featuring one's choice of four gorgeous vintage patterns, a length of fabric, and a variety of notions and trims to jazz the whole thing up with. The only thing one had to do was share what you might do with such a thing. I picked the Simplicity pattern and put forth the idea of making a jacket out of some white linen I have laying around. Well now that my prize has arrived, I am in a quandry. The jacket is sweet and that's all lovely but you know, those beautiful, beautiful trims need to be showcased with that fabric. They are a perfect, happy little family.

So what to do, what to do?

I think a sundress is in order, don't you? A little red gingham bias along the straps, piping on pockets, possibly on the seams.

Can I have a grown up version of this dress?

Littlegoodall at etsy

Or perhaps something like this.

From HelaQ and still available!

And how fabulous would all that piping look on these seams?

sold on ebay

It's still chilly and blah here so no sundresses for a while. But I broiled my behind off on St Patty's so sundress weather will be here pretty soon. If you have any suggestions, I'm all ears. (And before you say it, yes I should check my stash, but what's the fun in that?)

Oh yes! I forgot all about the chocolate! Mostly because I'm stingy with my chocolate and I don't want nunya peeping in my windows trying to steal it. If you promise not to pass out and die at the sight of the hot mess currently living on my head, I'll show you some pictures.

All the way from New Zealand,

chocolate,

 with macadamia nuts!

Yum!

I am officially obsessed with historic fashion

And here's another blog on the topic, I Love Historical Clothing. I'm loving the post on Mirror, Mirror because while the costumes were faboo, the white gown in the woods being one of my favorites, I cannot recommend you waste your life watching that hot mess. Julia Roberts was the best thing about that movie and I don't even like that chick.

Contrary to popular belief, my stepmother wasn't half bad.
It was that evil swan on my head that caused me to flee the kingdom.

See?

Robin hood meets the Seven Dwarves.
Do you think they hand embroidered that underbust corset too?

It's no surprise that the costumes turned out so well. They were created by Eiko Ishioka, a costume designer responsible for some of my favorite cinematic goodies.

Gary Oldman + corsets = eye candy for days

Winona Schimona, look at the lace!

She also did the costuming for The Cell starring Vincent D'Onofrio and J.Lo before she became famous for making crappy rom coms and her dating life. But you try finding a still of that flick that does those sets justice. It isn't a good movie either but the costumes alone are reason enough to watch.

For more examples of Ishioka's work, check out this blog, Fashionista. I'm particularly interested in seeing Theresa: Body of Christ but see if I'm lucky enough for Netflix to have it. And that will be a no. I will have to made due with admiring the silk taffeta of this gown.

I knew pinky's regency dress was oddly familiar

 

The youngest of the Dashwood sisters as portrayed by Emilie Francois in the 1995 version Sense and Sensibility was a big fan of the fichu, even whilst fighting off pirates and assigning underlings to the more unsavory tasks associated with running a large vessel.

No wonder you mother and sister run your life, wuss.

What kind of dumbass doesn't know where the Nile is?

So this is what grown ups do.
When will angry birds be invented?

I could have saved you all that terrible blubbering
if you'd only listened to me about the rain.

Don't you wish your treehouse was boss like mine?

Emilie acted in two more movies post Sense and Sensibility, Paws and New Year's Day before graduated from Cambridge University. She also earned an MA from Georgetown and is working on her doctorate at Oxford while pursuing a career in journalism. In 2003, she converted to Islam and gave up acting.